Well it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything down and I really miss it, as this is a bit of an outlet for me. I’m sure I get more out of writing these than anyone who reads them but thought I would do a little series of blogs to catch up on what I’ve missed recording in the last year.
In case you didn’t realise by my millions of Instagram pictures we’ve had a baby! Our beautiful Noah joined us on the 3rd of January and has been a ray of sunshine after a difficult pregnancy. He is tiny but chunky and the smiliest is baby I have every seen.
Noahs birthday was a bit of a surprise. I went in for a regular appointment at 36 weeks and the next day he was born. I had preeclampsia and my blood pressure was so high I had an emergency section and poor Noah was whisked off to NICU as he had trouble breathing… it was the longest night of my life. I had waited for so long looking forward to having my baby in my arms, having skin to skin, feeding him, instead I was alone, on a magnesium drip for 24 hours and my beautiful baby was in a different part of the hospital, on CPAP alone.
I felt like such a failure, that I had let my little baby down. I worried so much that he was in pain or afraid, my arms physically hurt because he wasn’t in them. Late that night the midwife wheeled me up in the bed to NICU and I was able to see my gorgeous boy. He was covered in tubes and wires, his hand was bruised and he had a feeding tube over his mouth. It wasn’t how I imagined holding my baby for the first time but when I held him I didn’t see the wires and tubes, I just saw his bright eyes and the dimple on his chin.
Despite them telling me that he would need so spend a few days in the NICU, he appeared by my bed the next day. He was an absolute star, had guzzled every ounce of milk I had expressed for him and was fit as a fiddle! I couldn’t wait to get home, for the whole experience to be over.
Noah is now 10 weeks, time has flown by. I was so worried before he was born about how he would fit in, how the dynamic of our family was going to change, how I would cope and how I would have enough love for him and Theo. It turns out I had nothing to worry about, Noah has fitted into our family so perfectly and it’s hard to remember what life was like without him.
Even though I’m exhausted, I look like a scarecrow and I have a baby on my boob 24/7 I couldn’t be happier.